The beauty of broken things........

The sky deepens in shimmering colors of gold and burgundy.
Reflected on the water, the colors look like pieces of broken glass.
And I am reminded again of the beauty of broken things.

So much is broken,
But there is grace and beauty in broken things.

A bird circles slowly above,
One small wing bent down and under,
Unable to stretch into the wind and catch the swirl
Of the warm currents.

She is like an old woman making her way down a long hall
Legs unable to respond to the whispering command, "Go".
She weaves and falters and weaves again,
A dance no longer controlled.

And so the bird dances.
Around and around she goes
Unable to turn sharp or dive.
But the circles she carves are graceful,
Touching,
Simple and right
As though the hand of God himself is painting her path.

She cannot fly like before.
But neither can she stop trying.
She flies above the colors of broken glass
In the early morning light

And I see the beauty of broken things.

Morning people.......

Surprisingly, I am becoming a morning person. Well, at least, a little tiny part of me is becoming a morning person. I wake up early every day these days, most often while it is still dark. I watch out through the sliding glass door in my room as the sun rises out over the marsh. It is a beautiful site. I slipped out early the other morning and took this picture, shivering in the chilly air. The colors are so extraordinary - the purples and the pinks, the deep blues and the soft then bright yellows, oranges, and golds.

The colors are reflected in the waters of the marsh and at sunrise, the marsh is incredibly quiet. The water birds have not yet begun their daily raucous routines. It is a time of intense peace. I have been watching it most everyday. I often go back to sleep, if there's time, once the sun is up and the sky has turned its normal grey-blue. I dose and dream. My dreams are different these days. Still more likely to be strange than reasonable, but not so intense as before. Not so woven with emotion - just collections of weird and random thoughts and pictures. I have woken recently laughing just as frequently as I've woken with tears on my cheeks.

I have thought a lot about Garland Perry in the past few weeks. My children's great-grandfather, his name was the name we gave my son Daniel as a middle name. He used to go to bed before the sun was even set, while it was still light outside and then was up in the wee hours of the morning, well before sunrise. He was well up in his eighties and said that when a man had lived as long as he had, he should be grateful for every sunrise he got to witness. And Mr. Perry didn't intend to miss a single sunrise if he could help it.

I am not near so old as Mr. Perry, but well into the second half of my life. Well into this time they call middle age. As each year passes, I understand more about what Mr. Perry was talking about. I appreciate the sunrise. I am grateful that I get to see it. I am especially grateful for the particularly beautiful sunrises that I get to witness from my bedroom now that I have moved to this wonderful house in Willis Wharf. I don't even have to get out from under the covers. I only have to turn just so and then open my eyes. And there she is.

What a gift!

Peace.

Home again..........

It was a wonderful long weekend in Carolina. Very full, of course, with family and friends and traveling from one end of the state to the other. I got to see both my boys - that was the most important part of the whole weekend - just seeing them with my own two eyes and wrapping my arms around them and being physically close to them. I do quite well most of the time with my missing them. I miss them something awful. Sometimes it feels like an ache. Sometimes it feels like a heaviness. Sometimes it feels like a sorrow inside. Most days, it just feels like I've lost something essential. You know the feeling? Like when you've set your keys down somewhere and you can't find them. You know they're there somewhere but you just can't put your hands on them! That kind of feeling!

The entire family was there for Thanksgiving dinner, save one nephew who is in drug treatment and another nephew who seriously needs to be. The latter was there but wasn't really there at all. He was in a drug-induced place where we couldn't really reach him and he couldn't really reach us. It made me incredibly sad. And angry, too, that he would bring the chill of that place into my brother's warm house and into our loving family's presence. He is very very sick - the better part of me understands that. But another part of me can't understand how he could be in company with us like that.

We ate until we were stuffed! And then, of course, ate some more! After dinner, we got out banjos, guitar, and mandolin and played music in the little den. My youngest nephew, Timothy, played his piano recital piece. Then he and his brothers recited their Bible verses they've memorized for the Christmas program at their church. My niece Alex and I sang "Puff the Magic Dragon" - a song I have known my entire life. Daniel sang "Wagon Wheel" and played the mandolin, Jacob played rhythm guitar and Scott played banjo. I sang the harmony vocals. And I got that almost perfect "life is good" feeling. It was an almost perfect Thanksgiving. (see paragraph above for explanation of the 'almost').

Saturday morning, Scott and I headed up to the mountains. He'd never seen the North Carolina mountains before, and the closer we got, the more excited I got about showing him the part of the world I consider home and also that I consider among the most beautiful in the world. (I haven't seen a lot of the world - but of all the places I've seen, none has been more beautiful than the North Carolina mountains, with the possible exception of Ireland). We drove through Morganton and I took him by and showed him my old house. It's for sale. I almost cried. I wish I was rich. I'd buy it back tomorrow. I loved that house dearly.

It was rainy and foggy the whole two days we were there, but we had a wonderful time. We stayed with Bobbi and Steve. Scott fell in love with the whole area around Old Fort. And I figured he would, but then you never know! It was great to just be with Bobbi and Steve again. Just to be there. Like the feelings I have about my children and my parents - I miss Bobbi and Steve that much, too. Sometimes, on Friday afternoons, I want to just get in my car and take off. If I leave right from work (on time) and drive right there, I can be there by one in the morning. That's not so late!!

Back home last night, tired and sore from the long drive but full and happy, too. It was good to crawl into my bed and snuggle down under the comforter. Baby was particularly happy to be home. My cats were nowhere to be found last night or this morning, though Jericho showed up just as I was pulling out to head to work. Old girl, I was sure glad to see her! I slept well, deep and solid, only waking twice to slip out into the chilly air to visit the bathroom. Back at work today and prepared for another week of work.

Thankful. For so many things.......... for Daniel's quick wit and sweet spirit and pure heart; for Jacob's ease with himself and others and his good heart; for my father and mother's love for me and each other and my brothers and sisters; for Scott's company on another long drive down to Carolina and back with no arguing!!! no tension!!! just ease! for Bobbi, Steve, and Crystal and our enduring friendship; for safe travels; for Baby's quiet company in the back seat; for the knowledge that I am wealthy beyond measure because I am so richly blessed with the things that matter the most.

Peace.