The beauty of broken things........

The sky deepens in shimmering colors of gold and burgundy.
Reflected on the water, the colors look like pieces of broken glass.
And I am reminded again of the beauty of broken things.

So much is broken,
But there is grace and beauty in broken things.

A bird circles slowly above,
One small wing bent down and under,
Unable to stretch into the wind and catch the swirl
Of the warm currents.

She is like an old woman making her way down a long hall
Legs unable to respond to the whispering command, "Go".
She weaves and falters and weaves again,
A dance no longer controlled.

And so the bird dances.
Around and around she goes
Unable to turn sharp or dive.
But the circles she carves are graceful,
Touching,
Simple and right
As though the hand of God himself is painting her path.

She cannot fly like before.
But neither can she stop trying.
She flies above the colors of broken glass
In the early morning light

And I see the beauty of broken things.

Morning people.......

Surprisingly, I am becoming a morning person. Well, at least, a little tiny part of me is becoming a morning person. I wake up early every day these days, most often while it is still dark. I watch out through the sliding glass door in my room as the sun rises out over the marsh. It is a beautiful site. I slipped out early the other morning and took this picture, shivering in the chilly air. The colors are so extraordinary - the purples and the pinks, the deep blues and the soft then bright yellows, oranges, and golds.

The colors are reflected in the waters of the marsh and at sunrise, the marsh is incredibly quiet. The water birds have not yet begun their daily raucous routines. It is a time of intense peace. I have been watching it most everyday. I often go back to sleep, if there's time, once the sun is up and the sky has turned its normal grey-blue. I dose and dream. My dreams are different these days. Still more likely to be strange than reasonable, but not so intense as before. Not so woven with emotion - just collections of weird and random thoughts and pictures. I have woken recently laughing just as frequently as I've woken with tears on my cheeks.

I have thought a lot about Garland Perry in the past few weeks. My children's great-grandfather, his name was the name we gave my son Daniel as a middle name. He used to go to bed before the sun was even set, while it was still light outside and then was up in the wee hours of the morning, well before sunrise. He was well up in his eighties and said that when a man had lived as long as he had, he should be grateful for every sunrise he got to witness. And Mr. Perry didn't intend to miss a single sunrise if he could help it.

I am not near so old as Mr. Perry, but well into the second half of my life. Well into this time they call middle age. As each year passes, I understand more about what Mr. Perry was talking about. I appreciate the sunrise. I am grateful that I get to see it. I am especially grateful for the particularly beautiful sunrises that I get to witness from my bedroom now that I have moved to this wonderful house in Willis Wharf. I don't even have to get out from under the covers. I only have to turn just so and then open my eyes. And there she is.

What a gift!

Peace.

Home again..........

It was a wonderful long weekend in Carolina. Very full, of course, with family and friends and traveling from one end of the state to the other. I got to see both my boys - that was the most important part of the whole weekend - just seeing them with my own two eyes and wrapping my arms around them and being physically close to them. I do quite well most of the time with my missing them. I miss them something awful. Sometimes it feels like an ache. Sometimes it feels like a heaviness. Sometimes it feels like a sorrow inside. Most days, it just feels like I've lost something essential. You know the feeling? Like when you've set your keys down somewhere and you can't find them. You know they're there somewhere but you just can't put your hands on them! That kind of feeling!

The entire family was there for Thanksgiving dinner, save one nephew who is in drug treatment and another nephew who seriously needs to be. The latter was there but wasn't really there at all. He was in a drug-induced place where we couldn't really reach him and he couldn't really reach us. It made me incredibly sad. And angry, too, that he would bring the chill of that place into my brother's warm house and into our loving family's presence. He is very very sick - the better part of me understands that. But another part of me can't understand how he could be in company with us like that.

We ate until we were stuffed! And then, of course, ate some more! After dinner, we got out banjos, guitar, and mandolin and played music in the little den. My youngest nephew, Timothy, played his piano recital piece. Then he and his brothers recited their Bible verses they've memorized for the Christmas program at their church. My niece Alex and I sang "Puff the Magic Dragon" - a song I have known my entire life. Daniel sang "Wagon Wheel" and played the mandolin, Jacob played rhythm guitar and Scott played banjo. I sang the harmony vocals. And I got that almost perfect "life is good" feeling. It was an almost perfect Thanksgiving. (see paragraph above for explanation of the 'almost').

Saturday morning, Scott and I headed up to the mountains. He'd never seen the North Carolina mountains before, and the closer we got, the more excited I got about showing him the part of the world I consider home and also that I consider among the most beautiful in the world. (I haven't seen a lot of the world - but of all the places I've seen, none has been more beautiful than the North Carolina mountains, with the possible exception of Ireland). We drove through Morganton and I took him by and showed him my old house. It's for sale. I almost cried. I wish I was rich. I'd buy it back tomorrow. I loved that house dearly.

It was rainy and foggy the whole two days we were there, but we had a wonderful time. We stayed with Bobbi and Steve. Scott fell in love with the whole area around Old Fort. And I figured he would, but then you never know! It was great to just be with Bobbi and Steve again. Just to be there. Like the feelings I have about my children and my parents - I miss Bobbi and Steve that much, too. Sometimes, on Friday afternoons, I want to just get in my car and take off. If I leave right from work (on time) and drive right there, I can be there by one in the morning. That's not so late!!

Back home last night, tired and sore from the long drive but full and happy, too. It was good to crawl into my bed and snuggle down under the comforter. Baby was particularly happy to be home. My cats were nowhere to be found last night or this morning, though Jericho showed up just as I was pulling out to head to work. Old girl, I was sure glad to see her! I slept well, deep and solid, only waking twice to slip out into the chilly air to visit the bathroom. Back at work today and prepared for another week of work.

Thankful. For so many things.......... for Daniel's quick wit and sweet spirit and pure heart; for Jacob's ease with himself and others and his good heart; for my father and mother's love for me and each other and my brothers and sisters; for Scott's company on another long drive down to Carolina and back with no arguing!!! no tension!!! just ease! for Bobbi, Steve, and Crystal and our enduring friendship; for safe travels; for Baby's quiet company in the back seat; for the knowledge that I am wealthy beyond measure because I am so richly blessed with the things that matter the most.

Peace.

Family ties............

My nephew Luke, my younger brother Eric and his wife Tina, and my beautiful niece Alex. One of my favorites things about spending time with my brother Eric and his family is that they all enjoy each other so much. When you're with them, the happiness that comes from that just radiates outward and seeps into your heart and you find yourself just smiling, all the time. It was a Happy Thanksgiving. Good food, good fun, lots of love, and some good old homemade, bluegrass music thrown in for good measure. Add the sweet sound of a little girl's voice singing "Puff the Magic Dragon" with her Aunt Lisa - seems to me that it just doesn't get any better than that.

Hope Thanksgiving was just as good for everyone.

I have a lot to be thankful for - and I know it. Life is good. And family ties are a precious gift that hold us fast when the world around us is going crazy.

Peace.

Jacob and me

This is a picture of my son Jacob and me at the Cafe Luna in Raleigh during the annual Stevens' family night at the Opera. We were on our way to see "La Boheme", my mom's favorite opera. We had a great time!

Thanksgiving

If the only prayer you said in your whole life was, "Thank you", that would suffice.
-----Meister Eckhart


I whisper in the night, "Thank you".
I sing in the morning, "Thank you".
I love and I say, "Thank you".
I feel and I cry, "Thank you."
I see the world around me in all its beauty and all its struggle and I pray always, "Thank you."

Peace.

John Denver

A woman named Kathleen posted a comment on one of my posts from earlier this morning. I went to her blog and spent some time there and was reminded that today was the anniversary of the day John Denver died in a plane crash. I still remember that day. My friend Katy called me to tell me the news. In high school, Katy spent hours and hours listening to me play the guitar (badly) and sing. Most of the songs I sang back in high school were John Denver's. I learned to play the guitar by playing his music.

The very first time I played in public - at fourteen!! - I played at the Sunshine Festival on NC State's campus. I was scared to death and microphone shy so I just played and sang. I didn't speak a word until just before the last song and I said, "I guess you know by now that I like John Denver." I'd played only his songs.

His music introduced me to songwriting. His music introduced me to the joy of singing from the heart. His music introduced me to my greatest muses: love, longing, Mother Nature, friendship, and music herself.

Here is a You Tube video of John Denver from 1976 - the year before I graduated from high school! (Check out the shirt!) I loved John Denver best in his early days when he was goofy and unafraid of being different. Because I was different, too.

I was a horrible teenager. I gave my parents hell!! My mother has always said she doesn't know how any of us would have survived my adolescence without that guitar!! I understood then and continue to understand how my guitar saved me. And because I have always understood how much my guitar saved me, this has always been my favorite John Denver song:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u_52ob3uVI4

Peace. And thank you, Kathleen from Pennasylvania for reminding me. My memories have been so full today.