New bumper stickers for my car

Surviving the Winter......

Ah, it's that time of year again! Here we go! It's the start of a week of celebrating and connecting and laughing and singing and playing and eating and sleeping late....... it's how I survive the winter. I'll explain:

Twelve or thirteen years ago, I decided that what my winter needed was some kind of event to mark that I was half way through the winter, to celebrate winter's passing, to ease the weariness and the post-holiday let-down, to give me a little boost before wading into the muck and deep and dark of the longest month of the year - February. I struggle through winter most years. And by the time February comes around I am so weary of the winter. I am tired of hibernating, I am tired of cold, I am tired of dark evenings and I am especially tired of that winter blue, which is the heaviest blue of all.

So I started having this annual "event" back in about 1996. The first couple of years it was very small. Mostly a small group of women friends, we got together for an evening party and danced and ate and sang and talked and laughed and drank a bit too much! In essence, we had a blast! Then I bought my house in Morganton. It is a great house and it has a lot of room. So sometime around 1998 or 1999, the party started its metamorphosis into a weekend long event.

I go to a music school every summer called the Swannanoa Gathering. This past summer was my 12th or 13th year!! There's a whole group of us, all singer-songwriters, who attend the Gathering every summer. It's like a cross between a family reunion, a summer camp, and a huge week-long jam session, with a couple of classes with some of our heroes thrown in for good measure. The Swannanoa Gathering changed my entire life. Really it did. (But that is a whole 'nother story!!) After my first year or two at the Gathering, I decided I didn't want to go a whole year without seeing my friends there, my partners in crime again. So I started inviting all of them to the winter get-together. The music soon took over the event and became its focus!

So next weekend is THE weekend. The Annual Surviving the Winter Party. Tim's coming from Minnesota (I haven't heard from Karl yet), Jon from Rhode Island and Phyllis from South Carolina. JC from Charlotte and Mary Gordon from Charlottesville. Mike from Roanoke, Greg from Salem, Allen from Asheville. And of course Daniel and Jacob will both be there. Bobbi and Steve are coming. So it's a celebration with everything I love right there with me! Only thing missing is my folks!! My sons, my best friends, good food, good fun and music music music!

Celebrations, however, start tonight. Jacob is 21 tomorrow. Tonight he's having a huge triple keg party! I've been invited! (Hell yes I'm going!! Think I'd miss this!) I haven't been to a college keg party in........... let's just say it's been a long time. Tomorrow all my brothers and sisters and a bunch of the nieces and nephews are getting together to celebrate January birthdays (Jacob's, mine, Tim's). I'm off on Monday and will head back to the Eastern Shore then. I only work two days and then I'm off again! (I sure do love vacation days!). Tim from Minnesota and Phyllis from South Carolina will be here Thursday, the rest of the crowd Friday.

For all you folks on the Eastern Shore, we're doing a concert at the Blarney Stone on Friday night, the 16th. Come on out! If you like original music, you'll love this group of friends! It's a way to celebrate! It's a way to Survive the Winter. And you can come and celebrate anything you want. I'm celebrating the reunion of a group of folks I love deeply! And we all need something to celebrate before we head into February! It'll make you smile!

Hope to see you there!

Peace.

New Years Resolutions - again!!

I made the obligatory list of New Year's Resolutions again this year. But with much more good intention than in years past. I mean, I really want to do these things! Really I do! It's just that.......

So eight days into the New Year I'll give you a current scoring on how I'm doing:

1. Drink more water. Score - fair. I've had water every day so far this new year. Just not a lot of it on most days as is my intent. But better than no water at all.

2. Drink only one Diet Dr. Pepper a day. Score - ah well, not so good. I'll admit it. I'm addicted to 'em. They are my main source of caffeine. And I just love the fizz and the taste and the little Diet Dr. Pepper buzz. So I had one day so far I had none, two days I had only one and the other days I had the two I'd cut back to last year........ I'll just keep trying.

3. Walk. Score - zippo. But it's been raining and stuff. (I know I know!! Excuses excuses!)

4. Talk to my kids every day. Score - good but I want it to be great. I waiver between wanting to talk to them every day and not wanting to intrude on their lives. It's funny - they never ever seem to mind when I call. And if they're busy, they either talk quickly or they let me speak to their voice mail. So I'm not sure why I worry about it. I like talking to them every day. They like talking to me every day. So as the old/new saying goes - just do it!

5. Play out (do more gigs). Score - good. Scott and I played at First Wednesday last night. I had such anxiety beforehand. Driving the short distance from Willis Wharf to the Great Machipongo Clam Shack - I just felt like I was going to puke! It was terrible. Scott's presence and smiling face helped so much. I just stepped into a small circle of light with him in it and asked for a bubble of protection from any bad feelings that might be sent our way. And you know - like my friend Cindy always told me - if you need it, you got to ask the universe for it and the universe will provide! And it did! (I asked God. Thanks, Sir.) So we played and it felt good once I got started and got past the nerves. I knew at some point in time I would have to confront those feelings and those demons and, in the end, the worst of the demons left before I ever sang and the biggest of the demons got very small and quiet then left. So I will try to keep this resolution and just get out there and play. Sing. Play with Scott. Play with Hungar's Creek Bluegrass band sometimes. Play solo. Stop being afraid.

6. Do the Upper Room daily devotional thing. Score - less than fair but not a complete failure! I didn't get the book until Sunday. So I did five days worth in one day. Now I'm a couple of days behind again. I'll get there. Or at least I think I will.

7. Fast from sunrise till sundown on Thursdays. Score - we've only had two Thursdays so far in 2009; the first was the 1st and a holiday you know so no fasting that day, and then today, I literally just forgot and ate a big breakfast which is another New Year's resolution!! Crap!! I can be such a ditz sometimes! New Year's resolutions are tough on those of us with perimenopausal brains. Guess I'll need to put a note on my front door or on the kitchen counter to remind myself that I'm planning on fasting on Thursdays. It's a spiritual exercise and one to remind me of what I have and others have not - just in case you were wondering.

8. Write - more songs, more poetry, journal, blog!! Score - well, that depends. I'm not sure if it counts if I write only in my own head. I've got at least six songs going on in there right now and a couple of poems. I think probably I need to count it when it makes it to the outside world! This whole part of a song came to me last night when I was trying to go to sleep. Just started forming its little self inside my brain and taking shape right there before my tired eyes. And I still remember it this morning. So I'd best get to work on it with a guitar in hand!! This is the first time I've written anything on the blog this year - not so swift on that score. And my journal (s) are out and waiting patiently. Just need to........ you know the drill - laundry, supper, dishes, play some tunes, practice the banjo, practice the mandolin, knit........... I forget. Or I just run out of time!

My other New Year's resolutions either have components not applicable yet (like planting lots of flowers in my yard this spring and summer) or are too soon to tell (like go visit my parents at least once a month and call them at least once, if not twice, a week - the calling I've got a superior rating on so far and I'm headed to Raleigh this weekend so..... so far, so good!).

And the resolutions about my diet - learn how to eat breakfast, eat more grains and fruits and vegetables, yada yada - I'll just have to take that a little at a time. (Yes, yada yada is actually one of my many New Year's Resolutions!)

9. I think the softest New Year's Resolution I made and probably the easiest and then maybe the hardest is to love Scott with a love that just flows......... Score so far - 100%. He makes it easy. He is a source of great joy to me. And when I am in the center of my peace, he is there, too. It's my greatest hope for 2009 that we continue to just flow - strong, steady, easy.

Peace.

The beauty of broken things........

The sky deepens in shimmering colors of gold and burgundy.
Reflected on the water, the colors look like pieces of broken glass.
And I am reminded again of the beauty of broken things.

So much is broken,
But there is grace and beauty in broken things.

A bird circles slowly above,
One small wing bent down and under,
Unable to stretch into the wind and catch the swirl
Of the warm currents.

She is like an old woman making her way down a long hall
Legs unable to respond to the whispering command, "Go".
She weaves and falters and weaves again,
A dance no longer controlled.

And so the bird dances.
Around and around she goes
Unable to turn sharp or dive.
But the circles she carves are graceful,
Touching,
Simple and right
As though the hand of God himself is painting her path.

She cannot fly like before.
But neither can she stop trying.
She flies above the colors of broken glass
In the early morning light

And I see the beauty of broken things.

Morning people.......

Surprisingly, I am becoming a morning person. Well, at least, a little tiny part of me is becoming a morning person. I wake up early every day these days, most often while it is still dark. I watch out through the sliding glass door in my room as the sun rises out over the marsh. It is a beautiful site. I slipped out early the other morning and took this picture, shivering in the chilly air. The colors are so extraordinary - the purples and the pinks, the deep blues and the soft then bright yellows, oranges, and golds.

The colors are reflected in the waters of the marsh and at sunrise, the marsh is incredibly quiet. The water birds have not yet begun their daily raucous routines. It is a time of intense peace. I have been watching it most everyday. I often go back to sleep, if there's time, once the sun is up and the sky has turned its normal grey-blue. I dose and dream. My dreams are different these days. Still more likely to be strange than reasonable, but not so intense as before. Not so woven with emotion - just collections of weird and random thoughts and pictures. I have woken recently laughing just as frequently as I've woken with tears on my cheeks.

I have thought a lot about Garland Perry in the past few weeks. My children's great-grandfather, his name was the name we gave my son Daniel as a middle name. He used to go to bed before the sun was even set, while it was still light outside and then was up in the wee hours of the morning, well before sunrise. He was well up in his eighties and said that when a man had lived as long as he had, he should be grateful for every sunrise he got to witness. And Mr. Perry didn't intend to miss a single sunrise if he could help it.

I am not near so old as Mr. Perry, but well into the second half of my life. Well into this time they call middle age. As each year passes, I understand more about what Mr. Perry was talking about. I appreciate the sunrise. I am grateful that I get to see it. I am especially grateful for the particularly beautiful sunrises that I get to witness from my bedroom now that I have moved to this wonderful house in Willis Wharf. I don't even have to get out from under the covers. I only have to turn just so and then open my eyes. And there she is.

What a gift!

Peace.

Home again..........

It was a wonderful long weekend in Carolina. Very full, of course, with family and friends and traveling from one end of the state to the other. I got to see both my boys - that was the most important part of the whole weekend - just seeing them with my own two eyes and wrapping my arms around them and being physically close to them. I do quite well most of the time with my missing them. I miss them something awful. Sometimes it feels like an ache. Sometimes it feels like a heaviness. Sometimes it feels like a sorrow inside. Most days, it just feels like I've lost something essential. You know the feeling? Like when you've set your keys down somewhere and you can't find them. You know they're there somewhere but you just can't put your hands on them! That kind of feeling!

The entire family was there for Thanksgiving dinner, save one nephew who is in drug treatment and another nephew who seriously needs to be. The latter was there but wasn't really there at all. He was in a drug-induced place where we couldn't really reach him and he couldn't really reach us. It made me incredibly sad. And angry, too, that he would bring the chill of that place into my brother's warm house and into our loving family's presence. He is very very sick - the better part of me understands that. But another part of me can't understand how he could be in company with us like that.

We ate until we were stuffed! And then, of course, ate some more! After dinner, we got out banjos, guitar, and mandolin and played music in the little den. My youngest nephew, Timothy, played his piano recital piece. Then he and his brothers recited their Bible verses they've memorized for the Christmas program at their church. My niece Alex and I sang "Puff the Magic Dragon" - a song I have known my entire life. Daniel sang "Wagon Wheel" and played the mandolin, Jacob played rhythm guitar and Scott played banjo. I sang the harmony vocals. And I got that almost perfect "life is good" feeling. It was an almost perfect Thanksgiving. (see paragraph above for explanation of the 'almost').

Saturday morning, Scott and I headed up to the mountains. He'd never seen the North Carolina mountains before, and the closer we got, the more excited I got about showing him the part of the world I consider home and also that I consider among the most beautiful in the world. (I haven't seen a lot of the world - but of all the places I've seen, none has been more beautiful than the North Carolina mountains, with the possible exception of Ireland). We drove through Morganton and I took him by and showed him my old house. It's for sale. I almost cried. I wish I was rich. I'd buy it back tomorrow. I loved that house dearly.

It was rainy and foggy the whole two days we were there, but we had a wonderful time. We stayed with Bobbi and Steve. Scott fell in love with the whole area around Old Fort. And I figured he would, but then you never know! It was great to just be with Bobbi and Steve again. Just to be there. Like the feelings I have about my children and my parents - I miss Bobbi and Steve that much, too. Sometimes, on Friday afternoons, I want to just get in my car and take off. If I leave right from work (on time) and drive right there, I can be there by one in the morning. That's not so late!!

Back home last night, tired and sore from the long drive but full and happy, too. It was good to crawl into my bed and snuggle down under the comforter. Baby was particularly happy to be home. My cats were nowhere to be found last night or this morning, though Jericho showed up just as I was pulling out to head to work. Old girl, I was sure glad to see her! I slept well, deep and solid, only waking twice to slip out into the chilly air to visit the bathroom. Back at work today and prepared for another week of work.

Thankful. For so many things.......... for Daniel's quick wit and sweet spirit and pure heart; for Jacob's ease with himself and others and his good heart; for my father and mother's love for me and each other and my brothers and sisters; for Scott's company on another long drive down to Carolina and back with no arguing!!! no tension!!! just ease! for Bobbi, Steve, and Crystal and our enduring friendship; for safe travels; for Baby's quiet company in the back seat; for the knowledge that I am wealthy beyond measure because I am so richly blessed with the things that matter the most.

Peace.

Family ties............

My nephew Luke, my younger brother Eric and his wife Tina, and my beautiful niece Alex. One of my favorites things about spending time with my brother Eric and his family is that they all enjoy each other so much. When you're with them, the happiness that comes from that just radiates outward and seeps into your heart and you find yourself just smiling, all the time. It was a Happy Thanksgiving. Good food, good fun, lots of love, and some good old homemade, bluegrass music thrown in for good measure. Add the sweet sound of a little girl's voice singing "Puff the Magic Dragon" with her Aunt Lisa - seems to me that it just doesn't get any better than that.

Hope Thanksgiving was just as good for everyone.

I have a lot to be thankful for - and I know it. Life is good. And family ties are a precious gift that hold us fast when the world around us is going crazy.

Peace.