For my friend Bobbi waiting for a word

Autumn leaves
And winter follows
And night comes on so early.
Morning is a series of snooze alarms ringing and ringing and ringing again
Because my body is too slow in the chilly air
And wants to stay inside the nest of blankets and flannel sheets
To keep on dreaming.

Autumn finds me still in childhood anticipation of
New shoes and new pencil cases
And new teachers of new lessons
That might change the course of things and turn the page
On old stories that I want to leave behind.
I look for new friends on the old playing field and
Hope that I can finally be less different
And more alike-able.

Autumn finds me still in the thrill of later years
Twisting the schedule of week in and week out to free time
To be out in the falling leaves, sleeping in the chilly grass
Falling in love with the whole wild world.
Walking up mountainsides and seeing the breathless wonder
Of the world laid bare by the naked trees and the falling leaves.

Autumn finds me still in the longing of the days
When I stood waiting for the bus to stop at the corner
To let the children off.
Just to see their faces and hear the stories of their days,
Lighting up my hours of fog and fatigue
With memories of the wonders of childhood beginnings
And the grace of love that moves up and down and over and through
The generations of the fall leaf catchers and daydreamers.

Autumn finds me now at the start of the waning,
The coming to terms
And the reckoning of all that has been lost with all that I have gained.
I want to dream.
I want to wander out into the falling leaves and dance to the beat of the different drummer
That has always been me.
To be free at the closing as I was at the start
Of the tethers of grown up things that I have carried as I should but need no more to shoulder.
I want to play in the fields that are turning golden and calling to me to run.

Autumn leaves
And winter follows
And night comes on so early.
I am full.  I am satiated.
I am ready for sleep.
I am ready for dreams.
I am ready for wonder.
I am ready to roam out to where the cold meets the warmth
And the heart explodes with the ending and the beginning.
                   ---------for Bobbi, for my father and for my children, October 2013