Age.......

"Age only matters if you're a cheese." Helen Hayes

Or a whine. Oh, sorry, I mean WINE.

I was watching one of the docs here at the big house (the hospital) reading a stock analysis on the computer in the call room. He was right up, nose-to-nose with the computer. He, literally, almost had his forehead pressed against the computer glass. And I laughed and told him to put on his glasses! This lead to a brief discussion about the ways that age affects us. The most obvious and common being in the eyes. And around the eyes, too!

I had just had a very similiar discussion with one of the nurses because I was trying to read something in small print and just couldn't do it! I was saying the same thing to myself that I said to the doc - wear your glasses! I mean, for goodness sake, just put the things on! I don't wear my glasses like I ought to. They drive me crazy. And I'm constantly taking them off, putting them on, taking them off. And I refuse!!!! absolutely refuse!!! to wear one of those chains around my neck! We started talking about the things that change with age. We talked about failing eyesight and aching hips and knees; short-term memory loss and diminished stamina; decreasing appetite but increasing weight (especially around the middle); less tolerance to hot and cold; different patterns of sleeping and dreaming. It all starts to change - and just when you finally have gotten used to it!

But there are other things that come with age in which I'm finding great comfort and some peacefulness. I actually like the gray hair. I don't have much yet, and maybe it'll be different if I start to go completely white - but I like each one I have already. I feel like I've earned them - like I could name each one after a trial or tribulation, a lost love, a broken friendship, a fight with a brother or sister or parent or child, a long night of worry, or a morning of hope. I think there is wisdom coming to me now, in little bits. There are things that I know I've learned, mistakes that I won't make again. For me, there is great comfort in that. I feel less need as time goes on. Less need. What a gift! Less need.

I am sometimes taken aback by the wrinkles around my eyes and around my mouth. Between my eyebrows, too! But I see the traces of many smiles, many moments filled with laughter, moments of deep concentration, and moments filled with tears. My friend Cindy's mom Lilian has one of the most beautiful faces I've ever seen - lined with the years of her life, surrounded by a halo of pure white hair. I love her face. I like my own wrinkles, even when they startle me, because they tell my story, outright.

The greatest thing about this aging stuff, though, has been the way it makes me appreciate so many things in my life. The older I get, the more grateful I become. The older I get, the more beauty I see in this world. Things become more dear, because, I think, the realization starts to sink in that nothing is forever. That we are all just tiny, simple snippets of time and energy in a complex world that has gone on for longer than our minds can understand. And will go on when we are gone from here. Life becomes so precious. Love becomes so tender, so cherished. I feel such a deep and profound gratitude for the love that weaves through my life - my parents, my children, my sisters and brothers, my wonderful friends who have saved my life. And the love that flows through the music in my life - my own personal soundtrack, constant, pure, sung and unsung, heard and unheard.

I think that I will be a fine wine. That I will continue to mellow with age and sweeten with time.

Plus I like, so much more, to think of myself as a beautiful golden chardonnay or a deep purple merlot than a hunk of bleu!! Don't you?

Peace peace and more peace.