Oh, I miss my children.......

There are some days that I miss my children so much I can hardly breathe. I ache from the inside out. Hearing their voices on the phone is just not the same as being in their company, watching their expressive faces as they talk, reaching out my hand and feeling their warmth...... I know that this is part of life. That children grow and become adult and go off to seek lives of their own making. I know that, at some point in time, I will adjust to this empty nest bit. I wonder if I will always have days, though, that I miss them like this today, this aching.

I keep wondering when it's going to get easier. In her wisdom, my friend Bobbi pointed out to me last weekend that my children were with me for a long time. Does that mean that it'll be eighteen years before this gets better?!

In my defense, I would have to say that I've spent most of the past year and a half trying to adjust to too many things at one time - a new job, a new community, a new culture...... At times, it was so overwhelming that I just had to compartmentalize and focus on one thing at a time. Primarily, that's been my job since that's the whole reason I'm here in the middle of nowhere and five hours away from the nearest family member and eight hours away from my closest friends! I think I've come to grips with that, for the most part, and realized I'll probably continue to long for my mountains until I'm there again.

I am incredibly proud of my sons. They're both doing so well in school and making their way forward in the world. They're both good men. Good-hearted, gentle souls. I wouldn't want them to NOT be flying free now. Guess I just wish they'd fly home more often. Life is just too damn busy.

I went to church with my parents last Sunday when I was home for the weekend. My five-year-old niece, Alex, went with us. She is an incredibly beautiful child, as is her brother, Luke. She sat on my lap through most of the second half of the service. She snuggled against me, and I soaked up her warmth. I could have stayed there in that church pew all afternoon, just holding her, listening to her happy chatter, let her fall asleep there if she wanted to - I'd have held her all afternoon. It was so sweet. Gave me a vision of things that might come in the future, when the boys are older and maybe ready to settle down. I think they both want to be dads at some point down the road. That'll make me a grammy.

I think I'll make a cool grammy.

Maybe that'll be when I stop missing my children so much..... 'cause I'll be missing my grandchildren? Is that how it works? Probably not. I think maybe I'll just have to move down the street from them!! Or maybe just in the same neighborhood!

Peace everyone. Peace to my boys.