A Conversation with God That’s Lasted a Long Time

 

I learned once, years back, a lesson about prayer.

And it was this: When you pray, be specific. 

 

So I prayed and I asked, “God, please send me someone to love.”

And I waited. And I waited some more. And when I had waited for so long that I thought loneliness would break me inside, I asked again.

 

And God said to me, in the way that God does, “I have answered that prayer. I have answered that prayer for more than 30 years. I have made you a caregiver, a healer, a labor and delivery nurse and a school nurse and a public health nurse and a nurse midwife and now a Hospice nurse. I have sent you hundreds and hundreds of people to love. And you have loved them. You do love them, don’t you?”

 

I had to concede that God had a good point.

 

So I asked God to send me someone with whom I could be intimate. 

And I waited. And I waited some more. And when I had waited long enough that I was aching, I asked again.

 

And God said to me, “I can’t imagine anything more intimate than being with someone as they are being born or being with someone as they die. You have shared experiences with people more intimately sometimes than anyone ever has.” 

 

“Remember that first baby you delivered in the mountains? How that young mama wrapped her arms around you and held on to you for dear life waiting for that long labor to end? And trusting every word of encouragement you whispered? Remember the woman in Virginia who danced her baby into the world, dancing with each person in the room, including you? Remember the young girl who told you about being raped – how she trusted you with something she had never ever shared with anyone and about it still haunted her every day? Remember how free she was when she finally shared that burden with you and you broke the chains just by sitting and listening and holding her hand? Remember the woman who becamse your friend who was slowly wasting away with cancer? How you both watched her body dwindle to skin hanging from bone and how you were the one she could look in the eye and tell how sad she was to see it? Remember the man whose hand you held so tightly as he took his last breath? His last memory was the touch of your hand? That is intimate, is it not?”

 

My response? “Touche, God. You are right again.”

 

So I asked God, “Send me someone who can hold me up when I am hurting, hug when I am afraid, touch me tenderly when I am sad, laugh with me when I just need to laugh”

 

And God said, “I have sent you what you need. They are called sisters and brothers. They are called friends. And they have loved you for a long, long time and held you through some pretty rocky patches” 

 

So I asked God, “Send me someone with whom I can share all of myself.”

 

And God said, “I am right here.”

 

So I thought and thought some more and I finally said, “God, please send me someone with who I can…… well, you know…… you know……be wild and passionate with and…… you know…..”

 

And God said, “Ah, yes. About that.”

 

“When you are ready, I will send someone to share the sacred landscape of your body and soul. You will have to trust me on this one and you will have to be patient”

 

And so I wait. I may wait till I’m worn and old. Maybe I am too old for that now? 

 

Nope. The longing is still there. I wait for the person who will wake in the night to the sound of my breathing and kiss me from sleep, breathing life into me like the wind in a thunderstorm. Who will touch me in a way that no one else can and no one else will. 

 

And I said to God, “Thank you. I can wait. I won’t die without it.”

 

And God said, “Touche”.